Tag Archives: Prince Harry

Cressida v. Chelsy: The Smackdown

28 Oct

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Two girls have seriously entered Prince Harry’s heart in the last decade, or at least two girls that the public knows of have seriously entered Prince Harry’s heart in the last decade.   And while any time we speak of Harry loving anyone besides myself, it sends me into a bit of a tizzy (BREATHE, YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS, etc.), I have squared my shoulders, grabbed a handkerchief and am ready to share my oh-so important thoughts on the pressing matter at hand:

Cressida v. Chelsy

Who is the right girl for Harry?

It’s a battle for the ages, one that includes two beautiful, accomplished girls, and one that ends in the heart of the finest man I do not know.  Without further ado or any more over-the-top adjectives I bring you–

Cressida v. Chelsy: The Smackdown

Coverage starts now.

Round 1: Hair

The royal family is nothing if not a bunch of women with fantastic hair.  Is this an overcompensation for the male pattern baldness gene that plagues their Y chromosome?  Only Freud himself would know.

(The answer is yes.)

Royal Hair Goodness:

Exhibit A:

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Exhibit B:

Relaxed Diana - Testino 97 2

Exhibit C: STOP THE TRAIN END THE CONVERSATION

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So what about Harry’s loves?  Whose hair is up to the task?

Chelsy

Chelsy has the royal hair thing on lock.  You can just see her tresses under an absurd feathered hat as she laughs with Wills and Kate and George, all natural and glossy-like.

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Cressida

Cressida’s hair has more of a bohemian vibe, like, “Hey I just woke up and this is what my hair looks like, suckers.” Also, note the Lauren Conrad braids.

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Round 1 Winner: Cressida, though Chelsy’s luscious locks shouldn’t be underestimated.

Round 2: Potential BFF qualities with Kate

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Whomever Harry ends up with will have to be Best Friends Forever with Kate, as William and Harry are BFFs, and this is just a rule.

It appears Kate would be easy to share a giggle with, “Haha I love Dirty Dancing, too!”  but the question is not of ease, the question is of kindred soul-dom.

Chelsy

We know that Chelsy attended the royal wedding and has years of double dating and Rock Banding with the Wills and Kate (one can only assume!)  I have to give her a leg up here.  ALSO look at that picture.  That’s some seriously long friendshipping happening.  Does Cressida have a picture with pre-perfect locks Kate?  Exactly.

Cressida

Cressida seems perfectly lovely, if a bit more daring than Kate, but she simply doesn’t have the history.  I see Kate as the older and wiser sister here, sweetly leading Cressida with the force of her already-iconic example.

Round 2 Winner: Chelsy

Random but important side note:  I know people love to talk about Harry and Pippa and their shared smiles at the wedding and how cute that little happily ever after would be, but hello to the power of blonde, Pippa is not his type.

FIRST KISS OF PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON

Glad I got that off my chest.

Round 3: Royal name

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Obviously the make or break point in any relationship, whose names match up best?

Chelsy

Princess Chelsy is very modern, like, look, we’re hip to the times, we have a royal Facebook page AND we just allowed women to inherit the throne!  Boom.

Cressida

Princess Cressida just has a ring to it, doesn’t it?  Regal, really.

Round 3 Winner: Princess Cressida, obviously

Round 4: Love Story

I personally can’t see Harry doing anything awkward at all, in the least, ever ever ever when it comes to dating.  He’s hot.  He’s suave. He doesn’t give a damn what you think about him.  It’s hard to imagine him less than swoon-worthy behavior in the dating world, so we’re going to assume that the details of both love stories are fairly adorable since we do not know them.  Here’s what we do know:

Chelsy

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Harry and Chelsea met in 2004 and on and offed it until 2010 when they officially split up.  Chelsea is smart (a lawyer!), Zimbabwean (the daughter of a safari farmer!), and is said to have no interest in the royal lifestyle, thus the issues with the lovebirds.  The tabloids love to point out that the two of them continued to hang out long after their split, and that Harry brought Chelsy as his date to the royal wedding in 2011 (aww). (Enough with the parentheses, Jill.)

Cressida

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Cressida and Harry were introduced in 2012 by his cousin Eugenia/aka Owner of THAT royal wedding hat. Cressida is a dancer, student, and the daughter of a  former British “It girl” and businessman.  Really we don’t know much more about her other than she’s bringing scrunchies back.  Thanks, Cressida.

Round 4 Winner: Chelsy 

Round 5: Wardrobe

Chelsy

Chelsy would be the type of princess who wore tailored outfits and black Middleton wedges and fit in oh-so well to royal society.

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Cressida

Cressida would be the type of princess who wore overalls and neon sunglasses, and bucked all royal trends, thus earning her nickname, “The anti-Kate.”  First Princess with duckface selfies is all I’m saying.

Glastonbury Festival 2013 - Day 3

Round 5 Winner: Cressida.  I think we all need a little more overall wearing princesses in our lives.

Overall winner: Chelsy Davey

I know!  The points don’t add up, but you can’t add up points in love.  Chelsy was Harry’s first love, they’ve been on and offing it for years, and I think his torch for her is as bright as Kate and William’s wedding.

Who I think Harry will end up with?  Cressida

Or another fabulous blonde.

Or me.

Probably me.

But definitely not Pippa.

And probably me.

Images: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

The Princeliest Of Princes

14 May

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Jill: PRINCE HARRY IS IN DC.  You know what to do.

Bre: What?! I feel my spy-sneaking in places skills are woefully inadequate, but I’ll do my best.

Jill: I believe in you.

We’ve all had some version of this conversation with our friends/family who live anywhere near a stop on Prince Harry’s May 2013 Grand American Tour, right?

No?

What a great week for the internet.

25 Signs You Are Obsessed With The Royal Family

18 Mar

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William and Kate on their wedding day. I earned bonus points for #1.

My love of the British royal family has been pretty well documented, but for those of you who aren’t sure if your interest in the House of Windsor has ventured into the obsession territory, I present this list for your consideration:

25 Signs You Are Obsessed With The Royal Family

  1. You stayed up to watch coverage of the royal wedding live. Bonus points if you made the trip to England to see it in person.
  2. You own a replica royal wedding ring that you saw advertised on an infomercial.
  3. You own a “Harry is Hotter” mug.
  4. You own Pippa’s book.
  5. You can rattle off all of William and Harry’s middle names. William Arthur Philip Louis! Harry Charles Albert David! Whew.
  6. You get defensive if someone says something rude about Kate’s bangs.
  7. You wonder how many Twitter followers Diana would have if she were alive.
  8. You’ve watched Princess Diana’s BBC interview too many times to count and and can mouth along with, “There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.”
  9. You have a RILF list.
  10. You know the breed and name of Kate and William’s dog.
  11. You could write a dissertation about Charles and Camilla—how they met, why they were inevitable, and what went wrong with Diana.
  12. You were outraged when Netflix posted: “William & Katherine a Royal Love Story.” It’s Catherine, HELLO!
  13. Your stop in London includes things like a visit to Richard Ward’s salon and retracing Diana’s High Street Kensington steps.
  14. You find watching The Queen to be a fascinating Friday night activity.
  15. You can name every girl Harry has been linked to in the last 10 years.
  16. You’ve bought and/or received every People Magazine Special on the royal family.
  17. You still have your Princess Diana Beanie Baby.
  18. You say things like, “Well, this year Kate and William didn’t go to Sandringham for Christmas, TOTALLY breaking tradition.”
  19. You know the top ten in line to the British throne.
  20. You’ve purchased something from Zara just because Kate wore it.
  21. Your favorite role of Colin Firth is not as Mark Darcy or Fitzwilliam Darcy but as King George VI.
  22. You’ve been on the Party Pieces website.
  23. You know the name of all of Diana’s rumored and actual boyfriends. She just wanted to be loved!
  24. You know what perfume Kate wore for her wedding. And nail polish. And you may own both.
  25. You can write a “Signs You Are Obsessed With The Royal Family” list based off of your own life.

Did I miss any?

Airplane Style

6 Mar

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Because I’m the type of person who hears “spring break” and thinks “Utah,” last week I found myself at LAX bright and early.

In the past having to wake up at 5am and go to the airport would have meant one thing: pajamas.  The comfier, the better.  Maybe even the pair I recently stole from my grandpa.  Who knows.  The possibilities of me and pajama pants are endless.

For most of my life, I traveled with comfort and comfort only in mind.  I wore my pajamas.  I brought my pillow.  I bought the 5 lb Toblerone bar at the snack store for a million dollars.  I glared at those who made eye contact with me while I at the Toblerone.  You know.

Then two years ago something tragic happened.  Okay, something wonderful happened, (love you Lindsey!) but it had tragic consequences for my travel regime.

My brother met his wife on an airplane.

Yes, read that again.

They For Real Met On An Airplane.

Read it one more time.

Not that this is a competition or anything, but if it were a competition for who had the cutest meeting-their-spouse story in the family there’s just no way to top that.  We all lose from here on out.  My only hope of beating that is my against-all-odds-romance with Prince Harry which hasn’t started just yet.

Ever since that fateful day when Jeff and Lindsey met, my airport style has been severely cramped.

I remember the first flight I took after Jeff met Lindsey.  I wore jeans and a t-shirt and felt completely awkward.  My family called me out on it.

“What’s going on Jill?”

“Where are your pajamas?”

“You know we’re going to the airport, right?”

“Are you feeling well?”

I blushed, “Listen, people!  I will be wearing pants to the airport from now on because you never know who you will meet on a plane and I would appreciate if we never talked about this again!”

And that was that.

Since then I wear regular clothes to the airport, and you know what? I never get used to it.

Excuse me, I’m off to eat the remains of my 5 lb Toblerone bar.

This Is Friendship

28 Feb

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A friend is someone who assures you that if Prince Harry knew you, he’d totally be into you.

A friend is someone who knows your Taco Bell order.

A friend is someone who makes you a breakup mix for a crush that never came to fruition.

A friend is someone who pulls you around on a rope and teaches you to rollerblade.

A friend is someone who mourns Nora Ephron’s death with you.

A friend is someone who has a seven hour Skype conversation with you from across the Atlantic because you are homesick.

A friend is someone who can list every possible person “You’re So Vain” could be referring to in your life.

A friend is someone who talks to you so much her 2-year-old recognizes your voice.

A friend is someone who takes each, individual, millionth ending with the same boy as seriously as the first time.

A friend is someone who asks how you are doing THE DAY AFTER SHE GIVES BIRTH even though clearly you’re not the one that just survived labor and delivery.

That’s friendship. Thirteen years of friendship.

I don’t deserve it.  But I’ll take it.

My Favorite Picture of All Time

13 Jan

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I know what you are thinking–favorite picture of all time? But it’s true. My friend found this for me and have you ever seen anything more wonderful in your whole wide life?