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This Is What Happens When You Watch Too Much Grey’s Anatomy

15 Aug

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Jill: I am dying of an ear infection.

Michael: Oh hell, call a code and push one of epi.

Jill: This isn’t ER worthy, is it?

Michael: If it’s Avery have him meet me in the on-call room.  I’ll brief him there.

Jill: I am paranoid I’m losing my ear.

Michael: I’m sure plastics can put it back on.

Jill: MCSTEAMY.

————————————–

McSteamy, indeed.

McSteamy, come back from the dead.

McSteamy, I just started watching Grey’s again and oh no and oh yes.

10 Ways To Celebrate The 10-Year Anniversary Of The O.C.

5 Aug

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Today marks 10 years since The O.C. first exploded on our television screens and Seth Cohen first exploded in our hearts. Last week, Josh Schwartz asked his Twitter followers what they would be doing to celebrate this momentous occasion in pop culture history.

Josh — genius, visionary, light of my life — this one’s for you. Here are 10 ways to celebrate the 10-year anniversary of The O.C.

When I pitched this article to my editor I said, “THIS IS MY OLYMPICS.”  I still have abnormally strong feelings about Newport Beach and Captain Oats and I am not ashamed.

(Now might be the time to admit Adam Brody always makes my Top 10 Men list. Always, always, always.)

And then there was SheKnows!

Inspired by my besties: Things you can do to make your BFF’s day

My first foray into SheKnows Canada: Celebrate your BFF on International Friendship Day

Happy O.C. day, everyone!

Let’s make this a yearly thing, shall we?

I Choose Richard

19 Jun

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I’ve tried to stay away from potentially controversial/hot button/polarizing subjects on this blog, but I can no longer remain silent:  If I was Monica Gellar I would have chosen Richard Burke.

Richard and his rugged manliness and Kennedy bloodline and utter charm.

Richard and his sexy-as-hell voice.

Richard and his grownup behavior.

Even Richard and his mustache.

Richard. Richard. Richard.

Tom Selleck. Tom Selleck. Tom Selleck.

Richard + Jillian.

Tom + Jillian.

Richillian.

TomJill.

I’ll stop now.

Actually, no, I won’t. Let’s talk about TomJill for a minute. Working, or only in my head?

Let The Sitcom Begin

3 Jun

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This week two unknown roommates moved into my apartment.

Two unknown male roommates.

Two unknown male roommates who found the place on Craigslist.

*I’ll give you a moment to process that*

When Caitlin heard she said, “Let the sitcom begin!”

When Rob heard, he repeated “New Girl!” after everything I said, thus thwarting all attempts at communication.

Example:

Jill: So my roommates moved in.

Rob: New Girl!

Jill: They’re both male.

Rob: New Girl!

Jill: Thank you for being so concerned about my health and safety.

Rob: New Girl!

It’s what I imagine trying to speak with Zooey Deschanel’s publicist would be like.  On the red carpet.  At the season premiere of New Girl.

And seriously, why was no one concerned about my health and safety?

Last night was our first official night all together as roommates.  We ate spaghetti and laughed and discussed which Kardashian we would want to be stuck on an island with.  It was all very homey and nice and yummy and my answer was Bruce Jenner, duh.

After we had cleaned up and settled down for some TV, one of my roommates said, “Hey, do you watch New Girl?”

I knew where this was going, “Yeah.”

He continued, “You know, this roommate situation, it’s kind of like New Girl.”

I laughed, “I guess it sort of is, isn’t it?”

Don’t tell Rob.

All I Want To Listen To Ever Again

30 May


Every time “How Will I Know” comes up on my ipod I involuntarily morph into Penny Hartz.

You’re welcome, people of Arizona.

Kristen Wiig’s Best Moments As A Young Lucille Bluth (Nailed It!)

29 May

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Kristen Wiig Daniel-Day-Lewised the part of young Lucille Bluth on Season 4 of Arrested Development. Somebody get that woman an Oscar, because my mind is blown.

Kristen not only managed to avoid the usual fate of a flashback character (“Get off my screen you cheap knock-off!”), but she actually became Lucille. The pursed lips. The bug eyes. The coolly delivered one-liners. Jessica Walter herself even sung Wiig’s praises, “She’s just wonderful. She must have studied tapes from the old days.”

Studied the tapes? Oh no. Kristen wrote the tapes. KRISTEN IS THE TAPES.

Here’s an overly in-depth look at Kristen Wiig’s role as young Lucille Bluth on Arrested Development as shown in pursed lips, bug eyes, and coolly delivered-one liners…

Read the rest of my article for Portable here.

Can you tell I’m really into this return of Arrested Development thing?

I Am Lindsay Bluth

25 May

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Naturally, I’ve assigned every member of my immediate family a character from Arrested Development complete with side-by-side photos and personality analyses.

Yes, this is what I do with my time, thank you for asking.

The other day I was talking to my brother Jeff about our assignments, specifically why I am the Lindsay Bluth Funke of the family:

Jill: What are the ways I’m like Lindsay?

Jeff: This feels like a trap.

I assured Jeff that this was not a trap and he should feel free to speak his mind.  Moments later I received a barrage of texts outlining the (eerily accurate and not-always-flattering) ways I am similar to Lindsay Bluth.

It’s like he didn’t even have to reach for these comparisons.

Don’t worry Jeff, I won’t hold it against you. In a decade or so, I’ll probably only remember the hurtful/truthful things you said to me like twice an hour.  I expect the sobbing will have stopped by then as well.  And under no circumstances will I tell anyone you are the BUSTER of the family.

Oops.

With that over with, here are Jeff’s reasons I Am the Lindsay of the Denning family:

1. We both…struggle…in the kitchen

Watch Lindsay’s face as she says, “Hot ham water!” It’s the same expression I get when I tell everyone, “I just googled how to slice tomatoes!”

2. We enjoy the finer things in life

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For more on my expensive tastes, read this post.

3. We have the same sleep habits

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I’ll give him this one.

4. We date the same men

Jeff specifically mentioned Lindsay’s date with Uncle Jack as a parallel to my romantic life.  Sadly, I couldn’t argue.

5. We both wear our dead sister-in-law’s engagement ring as a toe ring

Wait, what??

 

As an added twist, because there are not enough members of our family to cover every character some people had to fulfill two roles.

I am also called upon to be the family’s Tobias because I was once a therapist and quit the profession to write for actors.

So I am actually a Lindsay/Tobias combo.

Heaven help me.

Heaven help us all.

Which Arrested Development character are you?

Mindy Lahiri’s Love Interests

13 May

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Mindy Lahiri has dated more men in season one of The Mindy Project than some leads date in a 10-year series run. Week after week, we, as the viewer, have been privileged to watch Mindy use her comedic chops to interact with/date some of the quirkiest guest stars on television. The fact that Mindy herself is casting these men (along with producing, writing and starring in the show) just adds to the ever-growing “Reasons Why Mindy Kaling is a Goddess” list.

In honor of the season finale of The Mindy Project tomorrow, and to celebrate Mindy Kaling’s awesomeness in casting and comedy, here’s a guide to the season one love interests on The Mindy Project.

Read the rest of my article for Portable here.  Because you know you love Mindy Kaling. And Mindy Lahiri.

5 Leads Eclipsed By Supporting Characters

18 Apr

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It’s a tale as old as time — boring lead character is created to be the “relatable” one on a television series. Zany minor characters all-too-easily take over the show and our hearts. We wish lead character would be quietly killed off and never spoken of again. You know.

Here’s a look at 5 television leads eclipsed by their supporting characters.

Read the rest of my article for Portable here.

Shut Up, I’m Your Person

6 Apr

The Great Carrie Bradshaw once said, “I don’t know if I believe in soul mates.” Charlotte responded, “Don’t laugh at me, but maybe we can be each other’s soul mates?”

That sweet, simple idea was the heart and soul of Sex and the City. It’s what made the series so successful, and what propelled two huge blockbuster movies — the power of female friendship. Here’s a look at five other television female friendships done right.

Read the rest of my Portable article, The 5 Best Female Friendships On TV here.