The Decision Part One

9 Dec

While we were deciding if we should move to Cape Cod, I wrote about everything I was feeling. This is Part One.

I have been spinning and spinning and spinning, barely able to catch my breath. I haven’t written a word. Of my book, of my blog, of my journal.

When you’re spinning this fast, you might throw up.

I got a job offer on Cape Cod.

It’s just about the perfect job. If I had to design a job for myself on Cape Cod this one ticks all the boxes.

It’s so perfect that we’re considering taking it. Therein lies the vomit.

We went to my therapist together this week. I told her we had been struggling with the move. “Of course you have!’ she said, matter-of-factly. “Anyone would.”

I’m lending that to you now, whatever situation you’re in.

Of course you have! Anyone would.

We struggle because it’s about the future and because it’s a huge decision and even huger change and hugest seems like the next word I should say here.

Would we dare?

Rob told me he loved me because I’m brave.

Because we’re getting on a plane to Boston this week to go check it out. To try the Mexican food and the candlepin bowling and that one ramen restaurant a half hour away.

This weekend in LA we are going to udon noodles and to get our auras read and it’s a world away from what we would do in Cape Cod.

Can we do it?

Are we in that world?

I’ve been doing a few things to avoid it all.

One is eating. Just like the awful food-as-coping strategy on full blast. I recognize what I’m doing, and yet. My regular tricks are not making up the difference here.

The other is throwing myself into Kaylor tumblr. I started my own Google Doc of Kaylor evidence to show…I don’t know who?

I’m scared.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know who?

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Trackbacks and Pingbacks

  1. The Decision Part 2 - Jillian Lorraine - December 10, 2019

    […] While we were deciding if we should move to Cape Cod, I wrote about everything I was feeling. This is Part Two. You can read Part One here. […]

  2. The Decision Part Three - Jillian Lorraine - December 11, 2019

    […] I wrote about everything I was feeling. This is the final chapter, Part Three. If you missed them: Part One and Part […]

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