Back In The Arena

12 Sep

14128674_199173933828740_1280443023_n-2

Today I had a big writing rejection.

All writing rejections are big, I guess, but this one hurt particularly. I found out as I was walking out of yoga, checking back in with the real world.

I regret that the volume of submissions we receive makes it impractical for me to offer editorial feedback.

Add it to the list.

I stopped at the store for some rice and chicken. Three bright lemons and a drink to warm my insides.

I put my farmers market veggies on a tray topped with olive oil and red pepper flakes.

I finished a book.

A perfect book with not a word to change.

I made a basil sauce.

I watched Tiny House Hunters and realized I’m living in Tiny House Hunters, complete with hot plate and portable oven.

I absently wondered how many square feet my apartment is.

This rejection hurts. It sucks, and all those non-writerly words. I wish it hadn’t happened. I wish it had gone my way.

But I’m not floored.

I’m not crying or losing it all.

Politics aside, one of my favorite things about the exceptionally complicated woman we know as Hillary Clinton is that she is a fighter.

For over 20 years she has been brutally attacked for every single part of her, in the most vicious ways possible. She has faced sexism and glass ceilings, betrayal and the worst of the worst of the internet worst people.

And yet, she always comes back swinging.

In 2008, she gracefully bowed out for Barack Obama. She then served as Secretary of State.

She’s back now, facing the daunting arena again.

She is knocked down. She is wildly imperfect, as we all are. She comes back to the fight.

I wonder why I handled this one better.

Is it a year of therapy? Growing up?

Is it that I didn’t place every expectation on this one piece of work? That I only let my mind half wander down how great it could be?

I think it’s because I know I’m coming back.

Writing and I, we made a vow a few years ago. And as soon as I accepted that vow, as soon as I said no matter how many times I’m knocked down I will come back swinging– things got easier.

I know, in times like this, that I am headed back to the arena.

That makes a difference.

 

Also, I’m proud of what I wrote.

It’s been less than two hours since the rejection. The sun has set on this mild day and I’m full of good food and good words.

I have work to do all night, like the work I did all day.

My friend texted me “I think that’s what makes people successful. Ability to take failure.”

I thanked her and got back to writing.

Bookmark and Share

3 Responses to “Back In The Arena”

  1. Bailey Brewer September 13, 2016 at 8:18 am #

    You should be proud of what you wrote. Because you’re amazing. xoxoo Keep on swingin’. I’ll do my best to join in. To fight for you, and me, and all of us. #WritersUnite

  2. Rhianne September 26, 2016 at 1:38 am #

    I think your friends right and I totally love your attitude about coming back and showing up no matter what. I found your blog via Anastasias blog post and tweet and I’m really looking forward to reading more.

    • jillianlorraine September 28, 2016 at 8:05 pm #

      Thank you!!

Leave a Reply