I Really Shouldn’t Bring My Phone Into The Bathroom With Me

8 Mar

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I really shouldn’t bring my phone into the bathroom with me

It might do that tricky audio recording thing and send my flushing out to the universe

Or worse

 

The before flushing thing…

 

Oh gosh

Oh gosh

Oh gosh

 

Now my mind is going to the top 10 people I don’t want my before flushing audio recording going to.

Come to think of it, do I have 10 relationships that could recover from that?

 

Bringing it back, bringing it back.

 

Germs!

That’s why I shouldn’t bring my phone with me.

Phones are already loaded with germs and this is certainly not helping the matter.

Speaking of, I should wash my phone.

The case too.

And my pillows.

Did you know you should dry clean your pillows?

Not just your pillowcases, your actual pillows.

I’ve never done this in my life.

What illnesses do I now have?

Why didn’t anyone tell me?

 

I’m gross.

I can’t do anything now, I’m so gross.

I’ll just go lay in bed.

But not on any pillow.

 

That’s fun.

 

Wait!

I don’t have Cheetos.

Maybe I can get someone to deliver them to me?

Puffy Cheetos, I mean.

There’s that one Malibu delivery service, what was it called?

Merry Maids Malibu?

That doesn’t sound right

Is that the topless maid service?

WHY AM I REMEMBERING THIS AT A TIME LIKE THIS!

 

It’s all OK.

I’ll just look it up the delivery service name on my phone.

 

The FOOD delivery service, you nasty.

 

Wait! But my phone is infected with bathroom and life germs!

Probably pillow germs, too.

We KNOW pillowcase germs.

 

BuDelivery!  That was it.

 

I’ll just email a friend and have her use her phone to have BuDelivery bring me some Cheetos.

 

Do you think they deliver pillows too?

BuDelivery.

But maybe my friend as well.

 

OK, first cleaning the laptop keyboard, though.

 

Oh gosh

Oh gosh

Oh gosh

 

 

Inspired by this inspired post

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2 Responses to “I Really Shouldn’t Bring My Phone Into The Bathroom With Me”

  1. tracey March 16, 2016 at 6:52 am #

    Pretty weird poem Jill, but I love it. Germs help you build your immune system. Embrace them!

  2. : Pure Divine Serum March 25, 2017 at 8:17 am #

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