Paper Clips And Fireworks And Weekends In Santa Barbara

28 Feb


As far as weekends go, this one was a firework.

Every time I say “firework” I think of Katy Perry’s iconic opening line, “Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?” It’s almost up there with J Biebs’s poetry, “Sitting by the fire, eating fondu.”  I like to sing along to both songs, messing with the lyrics.

Do you ever feel like a paper clip–

Walked into the kitchen, made some pasta–

It’s more fun than I’m making it sound.

This weekend was a firework, baby, and I’m sitting here waiting for hometowns on The Bachelor and eating Thin Mints because I realized I DO need them in my life despite my bold statements and I’m thinking of the life I’ve built here.

I lead a small life, small but valuable, as Kathleen Kelly would say.  My life feels small here because it is small. In Utah I’m full—of people and friends and family and activities.  Here my life is small and it is hard won and I take the victories and fireworks as they come.

This weekend I drove to Riverside to see my cousin play volleyball.  He’s very good and very tall and I took approximately 400 pictures.

It’s hard to capture a 6’10” athlete smashing volleyballs into the ground and things.  It’s hard but someone’s got to try.

This weekend I drove to the outer edges of LA for Katie’s surprise birthday party.  I got her a Star Wars balloon and a book and we talked about all the exciting things going on in her life while we ate tatchos.

Tatchos=Tator tot nachos.

We discovered them on our girls weekend in Mammoth and they are what they sound like and you should try them.

This weekend I went to Rachelle’s birthday dinner.  I made it to Café Rio.  I tried on a pale purple lipstick that made me look like a body washed to shore and almost, almost bought it.

I did buy a bunch of new dresses.  You know when you get that shopping bug and nothing will satisfy it and suddenly you’re at the mall screaming CHURROS and REMEMBER HOT TOPIC?  This weekend was that sort of weekend.

This weekend I did a bunch of school related things.  I read Pope Francis’s book on mercy.  I got halfway through Salem’s Lot on audiobook and realized that Stephen King is my ultimate listening author.

I cleaned my room in 15 minute increments.

This weekend included today.

A sunny few hours spent in Santa Barbara.  A brunch of olive bread and artichoke spread and poached eggs.  A cream cheese pastry ripped from my beach bag by overly aggressive seagulls.

A new bikini and a (for-me) scandalous cover-up.

A day of 12,000 steps according to my iPhone.

There was more McConnell’s (CHURRO ice cream) and the best Mexican food of my life.  Stuff we licked off our plates, Rob powering through the last of the carnitas, me demanding he tell me this was the best chile relleno the world had ever seen. I was upset  when he responded “I have no complaints.”

“I didn’t hear you ask yourself if it was real when we were at Carmen’s” I accused, finding myself suddenly very protective over his favorite Mexican foods.

I feel at home in Santa Barbara.  Something about the Central Coast.  As soon as I cross that Los Angeles border I breathe a bit easier.

I’ve been wondering about where I’ll live, one day, when I settle down a bit.

It’s funny, I used to say that my future was constantly bright but my day-to-day life sucked.  Something like that.  And it always felt real.  I was sure that my future held something amazing that I couldn’t even comprehend, I just had to endure the pains of my current day to day.

Now it seems to have reversed.  My day-to-day life is really good.  I live in a beautiful place and surround myself with beautiful people and can have long weekends that include Santa Barbara semi-regularly.

It’s my future that seems dim now, my future that’s painful.  I don’t know what it will look like.  I don’t know if it’s as bright as I thought it would be.

I don’t even know where it will be.

I think the answer is somewhere there, beyond that border.  In the quiet towns and the carnitas.  In the turquoise sunsets and the vibrant tile and the palm trees swaying off the freeway.

I think the answer is in the day-to-day paper clips.

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3 Responses to “Paper Clips And Fireworks And Weekends In Santa Barbara”

  1. Bailey Brewer February 29, 2016 at 2:56 pm #

    can we take the train to SB sometime? thank you. we can do whatever, but I will need to stop and buy a magnet at some point.

    • jillianlorraine February 29, 2016 at 11:10 pm #

      YES. Always Santa Barbara.

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