Mariah, Ethel, And McRibs

30 Jul


The Kennedy Compound was, for lack of a better word, a letdown.

For some reason I had it in my mind that the Kennedys owned themselves a secluded strip of land, far from the reaches of common folk and civilization and chain stores and such.

I imagined a hillside community full of yachts and wildflowers and white picket fences, a place where Miss Jacqueline Lee Bouvier could wander without fear of intrusion, a silk scarf on her head, terrible tragedy in her heart.

What I found were a ritzy few houses in, what can only be described as a Cape Cod metropolis.

Given, nowhere in Cape Cod is that metropolisy, but I was staying in a town without a center to its name, so Hynnais, by comparison, was practically the big city.

Knowing that Ethel could walk across the street and pick up a few McRibs if she so chose…well, it really changes things, you know?

Other recent disappointments in my life:

The musical Once.

What’s the deal with this, people?  Who votes on the Tony Awards, anyway?  Are they just a vehicle for Neal Patrick Harris to shine?

I took Luke to Once last weekend, his very first musical.  I was so excited, having believed the hype and the NPH.  I mean, it won all the Tonys!  It’s traveling the nation!  It’s the new thing.




It’s not the new thing.

On a scale of new thing to Sound of Music it forget to try to be on the scale.

I think it’s such a cheat to have a musical about a struggling musician.  Every song was a throw-away, unconnected to the plot.  I often had no idea what they were singing, and worse, it didn’t even matter.

You could cut the songs out of the musical and it wouldn’t even matter as they had nothing to do with anything.

I’m getting minor rageys thinking about it.

(Falling Slowly is a nice stand-alone song, however.  Let’s get that out there.)

When the whole thing was over and I was thoroughly amped up, we drove through the busy streets of Hollywood and I decided to right the night’s wrongs.  I pulled out my iPod, put my diva hand up, and engaged my full soul for a heart-wrenching rendition of  Defying Gravity.

I practically set 10 men on fire with my disdain as I screamed, “Too long I’ve been afraid of losing love, I guess I’ve lost! Well if that’s love it comes at much too high a cost!”

When I finished Luke looked over at me and said, “That’s the best song I’ve heard all night.”

And he meant it too, I’m sure.

That statement had nothing to do with his feelings for me.

Ooh!  Final music moment of the day.  You know the Mariah song “Without You”?  This one?

Yes, well, up until THIS WEEK I was under the impression the song started out, “No, I can’t forget the semen…”

I was so sure of these scandalous lyrics, when I played the song for Luke I said, “This is Mariah’s most sexual song of all time.  It starts out talking about semen!”

Luke didn’t believe me.  “No way,” he said.  “Not a pop song.”

I laughed.

Oh simple, simple, non-Mariah simple fan.

I found the clip, turned up the volume and wouldn’t you believe it!


Look!  Semen!

Listen again!


Luke then pulled up the lyrics online, and after only slight (non-dramatic) denial, I learned the horrible truth.

Those aren’t the lyrics.

My entire life has been a lie.

In my defense, it appears others have made this mistake as well.  In fact, I’m going to go so far to call this Mariah’s “Hold Me Close Young Tony Danza” lyric, and I’m not going to feel bad about my error, nope, I’m going to blog about it.

That will show everyone.

OK, OK, one more music moment but just because I want to give the Kennedys their due time on my blog word cloud.

T-Swift wrote a song about her summer on the Cape with the Kennedys.  It was called Starlight.  Do you remember it?


Well,  I looked the song up after my Kennedy letdown moment, just to try to figure out all of my complicated emotions, and there was one lyric that made me laugh.

Can’t remember what song he was playing when we walked in

The night we snuck into a yacht club party

Pretending to be a duchess and a prince


Does that throw anyone else off?  Do Taylor and Conor have to sneak anywhere?

Can they sneak anywhere?

Who are the Kennedys anyway that they’re sneaking into yacht parties now?

Do they really live in a shack by the sea and eat McRibs and listen to the Once soundtrack all day?

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5 Responses to “Mariah, Ethel, And McRibs”

  1. Jeff July 30, 2014 at 5:43 am #

    Some other people have struggled with they lyrics to that song

    • jillianlorraine July 30, 2014 at 8:25 pm #

      Ohhhh my.

  2. Becky July 30, 2014 at 6:07 am #

    This made me giggle… I was lucky enough to see Outkast perform the other night… apparently the lyrics aren’t “what’s cooler than being cool? I ain’t told” like I thought they were! xxB

  3. Linnea July 31, 2014 at 6:40 am #

    Hold me close young Tony Danza is the best.

    Next time you do East coast come a little farther south and see me.

  4. Laura August 6, 2014 at 4:14 am #

    Giggled all the way through this. You are too funny. Nice work Miss J.

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