The Eyebrows Are The Window To The Soul

10 Mar


Let’s talk about eyebrows for a minute or 14 then.

I have a thing with eyebrows.  As in I notice, care, and generally ruminate on the state of my/the world’s eyebrows far more than is really prudent.  My best friend and I regularly have eyebrow texting sessions where we discuss the state of our eyebrows, the state of AnnaSophia Robb’s eyebrows, and important philosophical questions about eyebrows in general.  Said best friend sent an email before our last Christmas party that I like to think about every once in a while when I’m low:

I feel I need to apologize for my eyebrows now. Please know that I am aware of their appearance. I am letting them grow in, so I can have a do-over. I realize I should have chosen to do this when I wouldn’t be seeing people. But I didn’t. So, I suppose this is just a warning. See you tonight.

It’s no wonder I am who I am with these peoples in my life.

I think my whole eyebrow thing stems back to when I was 16 years old  getting my hair done by my fabulous stylist, Alberto. Alberto made an offhand comment about how my eyebrows looked professionally done, and as a teenager armed only with tweezers, this compliment filled my very soul.  Compliments and/or insults at this time of life tend to stay with us, don’t they?

Ever since then I’ve considered myself a moderate eyebrow expert.  Like if this were baseball I’d be the step below the Salt Lake Bees, whatever we call that. (High school?) So I’m pretty low on the scale but I’m also on the scale!

I’m fighting to be on the scale!

More important information about me: Alberto has been my hair stylist now for a decade (!) and I love him more than I love practically anyone else in my life.  He sees my mop of hair with its inability to grow and its different lengths and dreadlocking tendencies and he says, “We can make you Farrah anyway.” And I love him for it.

Also, Alberto knew me during the time when my email address was “jillieebeans” so we’re bonded in that way.

Recently I sent Michael to Alberto and Michael left with several hundred dollars of products and a new lease on life.  Michael then went to St. George for the weekend, and alarmed he had forgotten his products, overnighted them to himself.

I repeat: It’s no wonder I am who I am with these peoples in my life.

All right, then.

More brow discussion.

I recently compiled all of my Hollywood brow crushes into one article for Portable that you can read here.  I think if I could have an eyebrow transplant I would choose Lily Collins’s arches, but this is really up for debate.  Also, as I say in my article, it’s likely even if I had Lily’s brows I would still have problems and my life wouldn’t be complete in every way.

Or would my life be complete?

It feels like it would be complete.

Today I bought MAC eyebrow gel and I already feel like people are responding to me differently and my world has taken a sudden turn for the better.  The winds are a changin’ over here, people, I can feel it in my bones and my eyebrows.

Last week was a tremendously terrible week.  Terrible in ways I cannot write about here or maybe anywhere because I’ll be overcome with fits of tears and I’ll buy more Sylvia Plath necklaces and my friends FaceTimed me last week with an intervention and told me “No more Sylvia Plath for you right now, Jill!” and I must listen to them.

But today is a new day and this week is a new week and I have MAC eyebrow gel and Lily Collins is out there somewhere and her eyebrows may be passed on to her future children and all is well.

My eyebrows are looking up.

And eyebrows are the window to the soul, you know.

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7 Responses to “The Eyebrows Are The Window To The Soul”

  1. Canadian Expat Mom March 10, 2014 at 8:12 pm #

    OMG I have such eyebrow issues! I will be making a trip to MAC tomorrow to get eyebrow gel! I too am wondering how I did not know this existed?!? I have big hopes for this gel. It may change my life! Thank you!!!!

    • jillianlorraine March 12, 2014 at 12:28 am #

      Let me know how it goes! I didn’t get ready today, but I did do my eyebrows with my new gel. It’s serious.

  2. Cheri @ Overactive Blogger March 10, 2014 at 8:48 pm #

    I feel so self-conscious about my eyebrows now! They need some wax!

    • jillianlorraine March 12, 2014 at 12:30 am #

      Ha, I should say my eyebrows are nowhere near perfect and this is just an interest of mine.

  3. Kylee March 11, 2014 at 6:49 pm #

    Umm, I didn’t realize my eyebrows were probably well below-par until I read this blog post. You should probably schedule me in for a shopping trip and an eye brow shaping next time you are in town. Eyebrows are always, always at the bottom of my priority list but you may have inspired me to rethink that.

    • jillianlorraine March 12, 2014 at 12:27 am #

      Done and done.

  4. Mindy April 4, 2014 at 12:46 pm #

    I am seriously ALL about that MAC eyebrow gel!! Life-changer.

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