New Year, Same Jill

2 Jan

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On New Years Eve I sat with a pile of Popeyes chicken and talked with my best friends about goals and life and resolutions.  One of my friends said, “I keep waiting for the year where I go, yep, please let next year be as good as the last one.”

All three of us laughed because we have never experienced a year so great we’ve wanted to repeat it.

2013 was close, though.

When we’re talking years, 2011 always takes the cake for the worst.  One day when I have the energy I will write up my birthday that year because it was such a doozy.   It was the pit of the pits and perhaps a symbol for the pit of the pits of my life.

The irony was that I thought 2011 would be the best, most exciting year of my life.  I moved to London on my own.  I traveled Europe nearly every weekend.  I lived in my dream place and did dream things and yet, when 2011 ended I was broken and tired and it took several months of me back at home to figure myself out and find a new direction for my life.

2011, may you ever rest in peace.

2012 I spent in recovery mode, as you might expect. I knew that I couldn’t keep going how I was going and so I didn’t.

I quit my career, I chose another one.  I worried that at 24 I was too late to choose another career.

I examined my faith.  Hard.  Again and again.  I examined every aspect of my life with my social-worker-meets-writer-lethal-combination brain and then I examined it up and down again until I was utterly exhausted.

2012 was all about new starts and restarts and letting go of the past.

2013, though, 2013 was all about my future.

How wonderful is that?  The luxury of a year simply about what I want to be.

At the beginning of 2013 I declared my word for the next 365 days would be “writer.”

And so I wrote.

I wrote an episode of New Girl.  I wrote a sitcom pilot with teenage leads that I absolutely adore.  I wrote 215 blog posts.  I got PAID for my writing.

Paid!

And then paid again!

And I wrote a book!  And talked with literary agents about my book!

Yes, surely in 2013 I was a writer.

And yet.

I want my word in 2014 to be writer.

I want my word in 2015 to be writer.

I want my word every year for the rest of my life to be writer.  I want writing to be such a part of me that it’s a given, it’s not an assignment or a goal or a definition of the year.

I am a writer just as I am a woman or I am a daughter or I am a friend.

I think my actual word for 2013 was “forward.”  2011 my life stopped. 2012 I healed from that painful breaking.  2013 I moved forward.

I moved forward towards the life I hope to lead, towards a new career and new goals and a new future.  And while surely 2013 was filled with its share of tears and heartbreak, it was also filled to the brim with this new life I am so proud of myself for creating.

I’m proud of myself for quitting one phase of life and choosing another.  I’m proud of myself for pursuing my dreams.

I’m proud of myself for moving forward.

I can’t help but wonder what happens next.  I’m out of my broken stage, out of the healing stage, and am fully on to my life.

Where do I go from here?

I can’t wait to see.

I can’t wait to write all about it.

I hope it includes a lot of nachos.

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4 Responses to “New Year, Same Jill”

  1. Kylee January 5, 2014 at 9:21 am #

    So glad that you are a writer. I love reading your blog and living vicariously through you and your Malibu winters. Here’s to 2014!

    • jillianlorraine January 6, 2014 at 8:45 pm #

      Thank you!

  2. Nakita January 5, 2014 at 9:38 pm #

    I definitely have a girl crush on you! When I saw About Time awhile back, it oddly was reminded of you. I say oddly because I barely know you personally, but it did :). I greatly enjoy your blog and think you a SUCH a talented writer. You have found your calling lady.

    • jillianlorraine January 6, 2014 at 8:43 pm #

      Oh my goodness, this comment made my whole month. Thank you!

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