Something Worth Missing

27 Aug

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The note I wrote Caitlin when I left for the summer.  It’s still up.  

Just over a week ago I returned to Malibu, land of the surfboard, home of the celebrity.

I took the long way back so I could see the stars twinkling over the ocean and wax nostalgic about all the restaurants I’ve tried and all the restaurants I’ve been meaning to try and oh no I haven’t tried that restaurant and it’s too late and my life is over!

I grow very sentimental when it’s time to move.

And ridiculous.

Ridiculously sentimental.

As I was driving and being dramatic, “I Don’t Want To Wait” came on shuffle and I just let it play, amplifying the hyper-angsty mood I was in.  By the time I got home I was an “I’ve just driven 11 hours straight and am moving this week and also DAWSON’S” mess.

When Caitlin saw me she rolled her eyes and said, “You wouldn’t be you if you weren’t acting as though this was the end of everything.”

I tried to explain that moving is the end of everything and we must tie up all Malibu loose ends because I want my life in tidy bows.

Caitlin just said, “I look stupid in bows.”

She was right.

All week I’ve been reassuring myself that change is a part of life.  That Caitlin and I can still have lazy Sundays where we make up monologues for Miss Meredith Grey. That I’ll still be in Malibu several times a week and Nachos Roberto will live on and David Beckham is in the world and the sun will come out tomorrow.

But I’m still so oh-so-jolly-bad sad.

And you know what? I kind of enjoy reveling in that feeling, at least for a moment.

It’s the feeling of a year well lived and a year well loved and having something worth missing.

Something worth missing.

I like that.

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