Theme Park Jill

1 May


The many stages of Jill at a theme park:  (Rob and Caitlin, you know you love me.)

1. Pumped Up Jill

This is fun Jill!  Let’s sing more Katy Perry Jill!  I’m ready to rock this theme park Jill!

Pumped Up Jill is fun unless you find air punching annoying.  Then she’s annoying…but surprisingly decent at air punching.

2. Motion Sick Jill

Motion Sick Jill wanders around the park aimlessly clutching her head and saying things like, “Can we go home now?”  “I am so old.”  “When did I turn into my mother?”  “I WANT TO DIE.”

Motion Sick Jill is drama spelled with a capital H-E-A-D-A-C-H-E.

3. “Stop Talking To Me” Jill

Stop Talking To Me Jill is a product of motion sickness, heat, and dehydration.  She is tired, she is fading fast, and she wonders why she left her bed this morning in the first place.

It’s best to avoid Stop Talking To Me Jill altogether because no matter what you say she will look at you with dead eyes and respond, “Stop talking to me.”  Ask Rob.

4. Chili Cheese Fries Jill

Chili Cheese Fries Jill is a little frightening.  She sees the nearest food stand and quickly orders everything on the menu.  “Umm, yes, your largest burger.  Do you have a bigger drink than that?  Yeah throw in those fries too, why not?  Cait, you’ve got the onion rings and turkey leg?  Do we think this is enough food?”

Chili Cheese Fries Jill thinks nothing with satisfy her current hunger.  You know when Hannah Horvath says, “I’m more scared than most people are when they say they’re scared.  I’m like the most scared person that’s alive”?

Chili Cheese Fries Jill feels like she is the hungriest person that’s alive.

5. Rejuvenated Via Diet Coke Jill

Pumped up Jill is back!  Yeah, baby!  This park is the best!  What’s next?!  Have you been wearing that shirt all day?  It looks awesome!

People around Pumped Up Jill exchange looks like, “Let’s keep that diet coke coming, shall we?”

6. Screaming Jill

Screaming Jill emerges on every rollercoaster.  She practiced screaming as a child for fun so it’s pretty powerful.

7. Tired Jill

Tired Jill slinks into the car, turns on John Mayer, takes a possible-blackmail photo of Cait sleeping, and reverts to a less harsh version of Stop Talking To Me Jill.

For those of you now dying to go to a theme park with me–I’m game.

PS: What stages do you go through at a theme park?

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