Archive | March, 2013

Freaks and Geeks

18 Mar

This week is all about Freaks and Geeks. I’m all about this opening sequence.

25 Signs You Are Obsessed With The Royal Family

18 Mar

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William and Kate on their wedding day. I earned bonus points for #1.

My love of the British royal family has been pretty well documented, but for those of you who aren’t sure if your interest in the House of Windsor has ventured into the obsession territory, I present this list for your consideration:

25 Signs You Are Obsessed With The Royal Family

  1. You stayed up to watch coverage of the royal wedding live. Bonus points if you made the trip to England to see it in person.
  2. You own a replica royal wedding ring that you saw advertised on an infomercial.
  3. You own a “Harry is Hotter” mug.
  4. You own Pippa’s book.
  5. You can rattle off all of William and Harry’s middle names. William Arthur Philip Louis! Harry Charles Albert David! Whew.
  6. You get defensive if someone says something rude about Kate’s bangs.
  7. You wonder how many Twitter followers Diana would have if she were alive.
  8. You’ve watched Princess Diana’s BBC interview too many times to count and and can mouth along with, “There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.”
  9. You have a RILF list.
  10. You know the breed and name of Kate and William’s dog.
  11. You could write a dissertation about Charles and Camilla—how they met, why they were inevitable, and what went wrong with Diana.
  12. You were outraged when Netflix posted: “William & Katherine a Royal Love Story.” It’s Catherine, HELLO!
  13. Your stop in London includes things like a visit to Richard Ward’s salon and retracing Diana’s High Street Kensington steps.
  14. You find watching The Queen to be a fascinating Friday night activity.
  15. You can name every girl Harry has been linked to in the last 10 years.
  16. You’ve bought and/or received every People Magazine Special on the royal family.
  17. You still have your Princess Diana Beanie Baby.
  18. You say things like, “Well, this year Kate and William didn’t go to Sandringham for Christmas, TOTALLY breaking tradition.”
  19. You know the top ten in line to the British throne.
  20. You’ve purchased something from Zara just because Kate wore it.
  21. Your favorite role of Colin Firth is not as Mark Darcy or Fitzwilliam Darcy but as King George VI.
  22. You’ve been on the Party Pieces website.
  23. You know the name of all of Diana’s rumored and actual boyfriends. She just wanted to be loved!
  24. You know what perfume Kate wore for her wedding. And nail polish. And you may own both.
  25. You can write a “Signs You Are Obsessed With The Royal Family” list based off of your own life.

Did I miss any?

Veronica Mars, Portable, And The New Love Of My Life

15 Mar

Kristen Bell

Guys, I’m so excited to announce that I am now a contributor at Portable.tv!

*Fiona Apple dance in celebration*

I love pop culture, I love this website and I’m beyond thrilled that my first article was about Veronica Mars, one of my television heroes.

Was that enough love and adoration for one sentence?

Read my first article–5 Things I Want To See In The Veronica Mars Movie here.

Also, I feel it’s important to tell you that today, the same day this article was published, I went to a live taping of Hot in Cleveland where none other than Rico Colantoni guest starred!   Rico Colantoni as in KEITH MARS, VERONICA’S FATHER.  Rico Colantoni as in NEW LOVE OF MY LIFE.

Fate?  I think so.

Rico Colantoni is hot hot hot in person.  And in Cleveland.  Bazinga.

Covered With Scars

15 Mar

“Perhaps we are in this world to search for love, find it and lose it, again and again. With each love we are born anew, and with each love that ends we collect a new wound. I am covered with proud scars.”

Isable Allende, Paula

Angry Girl Music Of The Indie Rock Persuasion

13 Mar

I’m a die-hard Fiona Apple fan.  You know how some people feel about Yankees baseball? Like it’s sacred?  Like it’s personal?  Like I-Would-Get-Into-A-Fight-With-You-About-It-Because-It’s-Everything?

That’s how I feel about Fiona Apple.

For Caitlin’s birthday this year I got us tickets to the Fiona Apple concert at The Greek Theatre.  It was an epic night full of tears, “I am woman,” and Fiona Apple dancing.

(For those of you unfamiliar with Fiona Apple dancing just picture throwing your body and hair around in an interpretative, distressed way.  It’s something I practice often.)

It’s hard to say favorite when it comes to Fiona, because, as Caitlin so eloquently stated, “My life is a Fiona Apple song,”  but I attempted anyway because I’m brave like that.

My Top 5 Fiona Apple Songs Of All Time:

1. Criminal

This is the quintessential Fiona song.  Her magnum opus, if you will.  I was shocked and saddened when she didn’t perform it at her concert and have since added its absence to my list of Things I Will Never Recover From.

2. Werewolf

For this song alone you should buy Fiona’s new album– The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do.

Can we all take a moment to reflect on her album titles?  Wow, Fiona.  Wow.

3. Shadowboxer

Angry Fiona, which is best Fiona.

4. Get Gone

“How many times can it escalate til it elevates to a place I can’t breathe?”

5. Paper Bag

My personal, all-time, number one, best-of-the-best, favorite Fiona Apple song.  I’ll never get enough.

Honorable mentions: Sleep to Dream, Please Please Please, Extraordinary Machine, Tymps.

What is your favorite Fiona Apple song?

On Loving A Person Who No Longer Exists

12 Mar

“I miss the old you,” I tell him, “the you I fell in love with.”

“He’s dead,” he replies.

I wonder when that happened.  When our old selves died.  I wonder if we killed each other.

“I miss the old you too,” he says.  “She was easier to get along with.”

“Do you think the new you and the new me–”

I let the question hang.

So does he.

Typing My Heart Out

12 Mar

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I’ve been thinking a lot about words and the power they hold. About sharing myself with other people.

I have years of thoughts I’ve put to words. Some I wrote yesterday. Some I wrote as a teenager. All I’ve been terrified to share with others.

I’m changing that. I’m going to start putting some of it out there, sharing things that are personal to me. I’m operating under the premise my friend Koseli so eloquently stated, “If my idea is personally meaningful, it’s worth the work. And I should share boldly with the hope that it might be meaningful to someone else.”

It’s scary, but here goes.

An Ode To Diane Chambers

12 Mar

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Thankfully Mindy Kaling has not forgotten about Diane Chambers.

Sometimes I worry that the world has forgotten about Diane Chambers.  That she’s been relegated to the role of 80s icon, never to be seen or spoken of again.  That an entire generation only knows Shelley Long as Jay’s ex-wife on Modern Family.

Sometimes I worry about this so much I write entire blog posts about my concerns.

Diane Chambers is an icon and should never be far from our thoughts for about 112 reasons, but let’s just start with one for today:

She is is one half of the quintessential on/off love affair of our time.

You heard me Ross and Rachel and Carrie and Big–Sam and Diane did it first.  And arguably better.

I feel really bold right now.

Today I suggest that we all take a moment to remember Diane Chambers.  Change our ringtones to Gary Portony.  Speak as pretentiously as possible.  Say things like, “How dare you try to be funny when I hate you!”  Drive all ex-Red Sox players mad.

Today we ask ourselves, What Would Diane Chambers Do?

Who’s with me?!

I think I’ll go read War and Peace and then tell someone I hate them with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.

This Diane Chambers thing is right up my alley.

LA, I Love You?

11 Mar

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Here’s the thing about LA.  Most of the time it just sucks.  It costs $40 an hour to park at Target.  (True story.  Talk to Caitlin’s debit card about that one.)  You get a ticket for even thinking about parking in Venice.  On a sunny day it can take an hour and a half just to get out of Malibu.  Just out of Malibu!

Don’t even get me started on The 405.

Every time I venture into LA I vow never to do so again.  I vow to stay in my little Malibu bubble and eat Lily’s breakfast burritos and watch Dawson’s Creek until the day I die, alone, miserable and surrounded by diet coke cans.

And then I go to the Griffith Observatory and forget what I was upset about.  I forget that it took me three hours to get there, and in that time I could have driven to the middle of Mexico.  (Don’t quote me on that.) I find myself starting to think:

Wow, I wasn’t expecting LA to be so beautiful!

Look–the Hollywood sign!  Pretend to be famous!

I’m pretty sure this view was featured on 90210 and my life is now complete!

And then, inexplicably, I hear myself say, “You know what?  I should come to LA more.”

!

PS: Guys, my camera died right when the sunset was getting really, showstoppingly, heartbreakingly beautiful.  I didn’t handle this well.  Ask Rob.  He heard me repeat over and over that I was so so so so so so so so upset about this.  I’ve decided I must return, this time with a fully charged camera, sensible shoes, and a picnic.

It’s so so so so so so so so going to happen.

We Need The Eggs

9 Mar

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I thought of that old joke, y’know, the, this… this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, uh, my brother’s crazy; he thinks he’s a chicken.” And, uh, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y’know, they’re totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and… but, uh, I guess we keep goin’ through it because, uh, most of us… need the eggs.

–Woody Allen