Archive | March, 2013

Of Course You Can Have It All

30 Mar

“Maybe young women don’t wonder whether they can have it all any longer, but in case any of you are wondering, of course you can have it all. … It will be a little messy, but embrace the mess. It will be complicated, but rejoice in the complications. It will not be anything like what you think it will be like, but surprises are good for you. And don’t be frightened: you can always change your mind. I know: I’ve had four careers and three husbands.”

Nora Ephron

I’m working on a 16-page Nora Ephron paper and it has to be the best assignment of my academic career.

An Indoorsy Girl Questions Her Identity

29 Mar

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Once Ashley and I went on a hike.

I say “once” and I literally mean one time. I don’t know what came over us. Guilt over living amongst natural beauty and never leaving bed? Threats from parents to steal Two Weeks Notice again? Me wanting to wear braids? I can’t recall.

We never made it to our hike destination.  In fact, in less than an hour we were talking about stomping “SOS” into the ground and waiting for a helicopter to come rescue us.

*Drama queens*

I’ve never been one for “The Great Outdoors.”  I’m a solidly indoorsy person, thank you very much.

But Malibu?  Oh man.  Malibu makes me want to take pictures of nature.  Malibu inspires me to go on walks.  Malibu takes my breath away and sparks creativity when I’m feeling blah.

I think I’m starting to understand what these outdoorsy people are talking about.

Death By Hot Water Bottle

28 Mar



The past few weeks I’ve been on a bit of a hot water bottle kick.  I don’t know why no one ever told me that a hot water bottle solves all of life’s problems, BUT IT DOES.   I’m addicted.  I can’t go a day, an hour without my beloved.  And by beloved, yes, I’m still talking about my hot water bottle.

Enter Hypochondriac Jill.

Hypochondriac Jill realized that her hot water bottle was so hot it sometimes left red splotches on her skin.

Hypochondriac Jill jumped to the conclusion that these red splotches meant she had caused internal damage.

Hypochondriac Jill contacted Medical School Friend for urgent advice.

Hypochondriac Jill threw herself into near-cardiac arrest when Medical School Friend did not respond immediately.

Hypochondriac Jill assumed Medical School Friend was unable to respond due to distress over her imminent death.

Hypochondriac Jill considered her options–say goodbye to loved ones, call an ambulance, wait for medical advice via text.

Hypochondriac Jill decided to wait for medical advice via text.

Hypochondriac Jill talked to her roommate about potential side effects of hot water bottle damage i.e. kidney transplant, never having children, death.

Hypochondriac Jill resisted Google, because Google is the death of Hypochondriac Jill.

Hypochondriac Jill heard back from Medical School Friend.  He was less interested than seemed appropriate, given the situation.

Hypochondriac Jill noticed red splotches going away.

Hypochondriac Jill determined that perhaps she was not dying.

Hypochondriac Jill exited.

How has your week been?

The Rest Is Still Unwritten

26 Mar

If you live in LA, you’re going to spend a lot of time in your car.  When you spend a lot of time in your car, you’re going to listen to a lot of music.  When you listen to a lot of music, you’ll probably start to create increasingly absurd music-listening games.

It’s basic If You Give A Mouse A Cookie psychology.

A few days ago Caitlin and I were doing the “free association” music-listening game.  In this game you play a song, and then without thinking, you yell out the first song you associate with what is playing.  That song is played next.

For example, we were listening to “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. This free associated to “Come Clean” by Hilary Duff. This led to “California” by Phantom Planet.  You follow?

Anyway, as “Unwritten” played I boomed, “LAUREN!” “AUDRINA!” “WHITNEY!” at the appropriate times and Caitlin did the corresponding LC dance/Audrina hair toss/Whitney surprised face.  She then laughed so hard she cried. I have an extremely incriminating photo of her laugh/cry that I am not sharing, but you should know is there.

Quick, don’t think, what song do you free associate with “Unwritten”?


25 Mar

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Can I ask you a question? When is it appropriate for me to sing “California Girls” at karaoke? I was born in San Diego. I’ve lived in Malibu for 8 months. I once talked about The 405 like I was knowledgeable. When can I sing “California Girls” and not be a fraud? Deep philosophical thoughts that plague me…

Moving on.

Today Rob and I went to Chinatown. I always enjoy a good tourist day, but this one was especially fun because last week we studied Chinatown in my History of American Film class and so I felt all knowledgeable and film student-y.

We came with huge expectations because Rob had heard that Yang Chow was the best Chinese food in LA and had change-your-life slippery shrimp.

Lies, all lies.

We ordered enough food for the next three months and felt pretty so-so about it all. Like so so-so that when I asked Rob the best part of the meal he said, “Your company.”

I’m not that charming.

Chinatown was fun, though.

PS: If you ever come to Malibu and realize there are no Chinese restaurants, you may be tempted to order the crab rangoons at Duke’s. DON’T DO IT. SAVE YOURSELF.

5 Guys I Want To See Mindy Lahiri Date

25 Mar



Mindy Lahiri is my favorite female lead on television right now. She’s smart. She’s a bit of a mess. She has that quality that makes you go, “We would totally be best friends in real life.” Basically, Mindy Lahiri is the Bridget Jones of television.

Every week I tune in to see Mindy awkwardly navigate life as a 30-something singleton and every week I am oh-so pleased. Here are 5 Guys I want to see Mindy Lahiri add to her misadventures in dating…

Read the rest of my article for Portable here.  Be excited.  I talk about Chace Crawford and Beyoncé.

He’s Her Lobster

23 Mar

Ross and Rachel




In The Name Of Food

22 Mar


This week I very seriously considered paying $57 to overnight kouign aman from Les Madeleines in Salt Lake to my home in Malibu.

Like pro/con listed it out.

Sadly this would not be the most extreme thing I’ve ever done in the name of food.

Once I drove four hours for a donut.  Just a couple of weeks ago I had an $88 12-pack of Fresca in my Amazon shopping cart because I thought LA didn’t sell that grapefruity goodness.  (False alarm.)

The point is I do crazy stupid things for love.  And by love I mean food.

Luckily I have the best roommate ever and she located a store in Beverly Hills that carries kouign aman.  While it was less dramatic/cinematic/INTENSE to just drive to Beverly Hills for what I wanted, it worked.  Maybe I should try this moderation/compromise/realism thing more often?

What’s the craziest thing you have ever done in the name of food?

I Go On Walks Now. I’m A Walker.

20 Mar


My walks around Malibu have quickly become my favorite part of the day.

For some reason this makes me feel really old.  I already have all of the interests of a senior citizen, but now my idea of a great time is a walk?  Next stop General Hospital is all I’m saying.  Grandma, set the TiVo.  I’m finally ready for Port Charles.

This Is Real Life

19 Mar

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In Caitlin’s words, “Girls eating ribs the size of your face in matching Star Wars shirts.  There has to be someone who is into this.”


Apparently I do the involuntary pinky raise??

The matching was not planned.

We were also drinking from Star Wars cups, so it’s at that level.

Because I look/sound like a monster when I eat ribs, henceforth and forevermore if I’m on a bad date I will order ribs.

We were laughing so hard we could barely take pictures.  Monster, guys.  Monster.