The J. Lo Bag

31 Jan

2013-01-30 00.31.37

As an added perspective, the surfboard is over 7′ 

One of my nicknames is J Lo.  Okay, fine, one of the nicknames I constantly try to promote for myself is J Lo.  I’ve signed emails J. Lo. I’ve introduced myself as J. Lo.  I’ve even answered the, “what name would you like to be called” beginning-of-the-semester question as J. Lo.

I mean, my name is Jillian Lorraine.  It’s RIGHT THERE.

Keep this in mind, because this becomes important for the story later on.

Moving on. I recently bought a beach bag, a big deal in my life.  Things had reached a drastic turning point where I was hauling beach supplies all around Malibu and it just wasn’t right.  The time had come!

I spent a few minutes looking online, made what I thought was a wonderful purchase, and moved on with my life.

Said beach bag arrived this week in a crate.  As Lane Kim said, “To paint you a picture, it can fit you and me plus everything we own and still have enough room to do a little souvenir shopping.”

“Maybe it’s okay.” I thought.  “When’s the last time you ever had a beach bag and went–you know what would make this even better? If it was smaller. NEVER, that’s when.”

I reached out for guidance to my friends Kitty Cat and Chuckjuice. (It was a nickname sort  of day.)

J. Lo: It’s not that bad, right?

Kitty Cat: You know, it’s kind of like you.  It’s cute and a little ridiculous.

J. Lo: Aww, thank you so much.  Chuckjuice, what do you think of my bag?

Chuckjuice: (Wide eyes)

J. Lo: Well?

Chuckjuice: We have a thing called beach swag and that’s not it.

J. Lo: It’s a J. Lo bag.

Kitty Cat: You could put all your gold hoops in that.

J. Lo: So am I keeping the bag?

Chuckjuice: That is a bag.  Like if I saw you at the beach I would think…that girl is going to the beach.  Like she’ll be there from 7:00am to 7:00pm.

J. Lo: But I could put all my books in there.  You know I go to the beach with three books.

Kitty Cat: You could put three 12 packs of diet coke in there too.  And a toddler.

Chuckjuice: (Wide eyes)

I think I’m being forced to reevaluate the J. Lo bag.  Is this why the J. Lo nickname won’t stick?  I don’t have enough swag?

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