When You Find The One Stop Looking And Other Wedding Thoughts

1 Jun

Chip-and-Joanna-Gaines-wedding-photo-

 

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In The Magnolia Story, Joanna Gaines talks about her wedding. She had red roses and a formal updo and a long white gown. I have always been drawn to a classic look she said. I’m a classic kind of girl.

As I’ve been planning my own wedding I’ve thought about this concept.

The classic look.

The classic girl.

I see weddings from even 10 years ago and think Yikes! That’s dated!

Wouldn’t it be nice to be the person with those elegant Audrey Hepburn photos that span generations? My Mimi, she’s always been classic, classy, my grandchildren would say.

A regular Jackie Kennedy.

Except.

Nope.

Nah.

I’m not that girl.

For one, I don’t love roses. Also my hair looks way, way, way better down, like it’s not even a competition, like I would never consider an updo and I would unfriend you if you suggested it to me.

My personal style trends towards bright colors, sequined accents and rainbow nightgown mumus. When I decorate, when I dress, when I generally am the answer is “more.”

A classic wedding would feel stifled, stuffy, and blatantly untrue.

I’m not a classic girl.

I wondered if The Wedding Dress was a myth. Something society had passed down through Julia Roberts and that I needed to ignore.

There is no one and only perfect option, there is only choice, right?

But what about the bell?

I ordered four wedding dresses as I tried to figure this out.  I knew I wanted something vintage and nontraditional. I knew I likely couldn’t walk into a wedding store and find it there.

And so to flea markets and vintage shops and Etsy I went.

Three dresses in I started to think that maybe this was a case of “Yeah I like it!”

Pause.

This was a case of putting way too much expectation on one piece of clothing and I would not have the moment where Richard Gere read the newspaper upside down.

Beyoncé didn’t love her dress.

“Yeah I like it!” pause is pretty good.

Right?

(Pause.)

Five years ago I drove twenty hours in one weekend to help my sister pick out her wedding dress.

It was the girls in the family who went with her, through rows of taffeta and tulle, white puffy things of dreams.

Early on in the night she tried on a princess looking dress with a large, beautiful skirt. It was The One.

We all agreed.

My cousin gave her the advice, “Just like with dating: when you find the one, stop looking.”

I’ve thought about that a lot since.

When you find the one, stop looking

It seems self explanatory, but there’s a reason we still have to say it out loud, repeat it again and again like the sacred wisdom it is.

We live in a world where nothing is allowed to be good enough. Internet advertisers lurk, showing us more, better, different versions of things we’ve already bought.  Dating apps exist where you can click and scroll again and again, swipe your way to insanity.

Without thought we can spend out whole lives looking.

The fourth dress arrived when I was out of town. I had high hopes for this one. Online it looked like me. Like if this were Beauty and the Beast and humans turned into household objects, I would turn into this dress.

I slipped it on, nervously. I slowly zipped the back. Was it possible?

Don’t jinx it!

I took a breath and saw myself in the mirror.

(Pause.)

The dress fit like a glove.

No alterations necessary.

It looked like me.

More, more, more me.

(Pause.)

I stopped looking.

 

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3 Responses to “When You Find The One Stop Looking And Other Wedding Thoughts”

  1. sarah June 1, 2017 at 8:18 am #

    “Like if this were Beauty and the Beast and humans turned into household objects, I would turn into this dress.” this is the best description.

    also, that piece of advice is so good.

  2. Linnea June 1, 2017 at 6:18 pm #

    So much wisdom here.

    Also, I didn’t love my wedding dress. I liked it. I had a hard time finding a dress and actually wish I could go back and do a lot of things differently, then I remind myself that it is just a wedding dress and I was 21 and lacked my own sense of personal style at that point. And honestly, it really doesn’t matter.

    Being classic and all that is fine, but being yourself is more important. That will shine through in your photos and that way you will never look like you were following a trend (either the trendy kind, or the I’m-classic kind either). You’ll just be beautiful, happy you.

    • jillianlorraine June 1, 2017 at 8:14 pm #

      It’s so hard! I’ve determined it’s ok for my wedding to just be a reflection of who I am right now, in 2017, rather than trying to cover every time period and potential future me by doing something less Me Right Now. I loved this article because it’s like you said. It doesn’t really matter http://www.manrepeller.com/2017/05/getting-married-advice.html

      I want it to be fun. I want it to be personal. I want people to leave knowing me and Rob better. The end.

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