This week one of my favorite bloggers retired from the blogging world.
She was one of the first bloggers I really got into, about four years ago, when my blog obsession began. I spent nearly a year reading the entire archives of several blogs and falling in love with their writers and their words. Those bloggers, the first few, are still so important to me. I know them from 10 years ago. I feel like I know them!
As I read this blogger’s goodbye comments, I was overwhelmed with how many people felt the same way as I did. How many people this one girl’s words had inspired and changed. How many of us readers felt genuine sadness.
I saw this coming. You don’t read someone’s words for 10 years and not see something like this coming. But I hoped it wouldn’t. I refreshed her page over the past few months, wishing for a killer essay that would get me writing and thinking and blogging again.
Instead I got a farewell.
All of my favorite bloggers, the ones from those times, are basically gone. Sure, they may update a few times a year now, but there was this golden time, well before I started blogging, where they were updating nearly every day. Where silliness and inner thoughts and unworried posts were thrown together.
Today there’s so much hate online you have to watch every word and even then you’re not safe.
Today there’s so many sponsorships online you can’t believe any word and even then you’re not safe.
Many of these original bloggers are married and have children and they are giving their families privacy and separating themselves from hate and I am glad for them, but I am also sad that I am losing them. I’m losing the rants and opinions and the real thoughts. The uncensored posts. I love those. Getting a blog post from one of those writers is like waking up to a bouquet of fresh hydrangeas at my door. A big, puffy gift.
Now this gift is done giving.
And my eyes are puffy.
(This took a turn.)
I’ve been thinking a lot about blogging lately. How fashion bloggers are now in the millions of followers and milliosn of dollars category. How these girls (often) offer the same rotated few words:
Totally obsessed with these new (free and sponsored) shoes!!!!
These shoes!!!! (free and sponsored)
I don’t want this to be a judgement on fashion bloggers. They are their own thing. But it makes me sad that my blogging world is being reduced to these same few sentences and non-opinions. That the women with voices and unfiltered thoughts and skills and lives and words I aspire to are slowly dripping away.
It’s been happening for years now. The Wild West of the blogging world is gone and we are fully into the very manufactured, all-alike suburbia.
I miss it.
I wasn’t even a part of it, I feel like I sort of got on the blogging train a few stops too late, that if I were to really have dove into this thing I needed to start 10 years ago, I needed to build some big base and to go on some journey that I documented. And that my silly 2016 words about Chip Gaines and books and little epiphanies I have throughout my very regular days, well, what are they offering anyone? What are they offering me?
Maybe I should retire, too.
I’m funny like that, I see someone else do something and I immediately question my own decisions. Even if I’m happy with my current life, watching someone boldly forge a different path makes me wonder if that’s the right path!
If that’s the right podcast!
Eventually I settle in and I calm down and I make my own decisions.
And this is my decision.
All the girls in my family are going on a vacation to Texas next month because of my last blog post.
I’m here, baby.
Me and my words are still here.