Archive | September, 2015

I Wore A Bikini For A Month And Lived To Tell The Tale

20 Sep

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The month of July 2015 will go down as one of the best months of my life.  I traveled to Puerto Rico with my entire family, a treat of the highest order.  I traveled to Cape Cod with Rob and his family, a dream of the highest order.

I am so tan right now you wouldn’t recognize me.  The last time I looked like this I was a little girl in Las Vegas, running from my pool to my best friend’s pool to the neighbor’s pool and back, all in one blurry rotation.  My hair, a solid brown, was bleached and ragged.  My skin was so sunkissed I glowed.

Today I feel like that little girl again.

On the Cape the schedule goes something like this:

Sleep in as late as your body will allow.  Stay in bed an hour after you wake up, just because you can.  Come downstairs to an elaborate meal prepared by Rob’s food-loving family.

Put on a bikini.

Go to the beach.

Come back for six helpings of pasta.

Sunset.

Ice cream.

Repeat.

It’s just about the best schedule I can imagine, especially because the time at the beach includes things such as ladder golf and waboba balls, sailing, and diving off sailboats.  Beach chairs on the edge of the tide so you can sit as the jacuzzi water washes over you, Diet Coke in hand.

Yes, July was paradise.

And I lived in a bikini.

There was a time where those two things could’t have coexisted.

I’ll call it the first 25 years of my life.

I used to think that my body was not a bikini body and that was that.  I’ve had stretch marks since I was a teenager.  Cellulite since then as well.  My arms look nothing like Michelle Obama’s.

I could give you a laundry list of my physical complaints.  Every girl I know can.

And so there were no bikinis for me for a long time.

When I was in high school and my body was undoubtably more lean than it is now, I used to float around in my best friend’s pool wearing knee-length board shorts making fun of my body.

I am very, very sad for that young, healthy girl and for the culture and circumstances that lead to such behavior.  I want to talk more about that young, healthy girl and the culture and circumstances that led to her behavior.

Anne Lamott says something I love:

“Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you
never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in
warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly
and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out
on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big
juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring
off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart.
Don’t let this happen.”

I read that quote on an airplane on my way to Cape Cod and I thought, “Yes, Anne.  Yes, again and as always.”  It’s all a lie, you realize at some point.  Every girl I know, including the one-and-only Kate Moss, has cellulite.  Human beings have dimples and curves and inconsistencies.  This idea that we shouldn’t, or it’s abnormal, this idea that we should look Photoshopped in order to feel comfortable at the beach–at some point you have to say no to it.  At some point you have to say, “I have stopped buying into this notion and choose to live my life.”

At some point you put on a bikini.

I have a comfortable tummy, cellulite and stretch marks.  And my goodness if I was going to let that ruin July for me.

I didn’t.

I wore a bikini and ate pasta and laughed a whole lot and right now I am so tanned and so happy I feel like childhood Jill, the one before the heartaches and the real life.

I wore a bikini for a month.

This is my tale.

How To Beyoncé

1 Sep

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Ahhhhh

Today my baby, my pet project, my (almost?) everything launches.

Readers, meet the girl power blog:

HOW TO BEYONCE

My insanely talented friend Rebbie and I are running this site and you can read more of what it’s about here.  Basically, as Rebbie put it, we believe women are strong and talented and capable and should have the lives they want.  We will be writing about the ups and downs of being female through the lens of Her Majesty, The Queen, Beyoncé.

I wrote a few pieces for the launch.

My personal favorite is Should I Keep Talking to my Ex?  I wish someone had given me this years ago and forced me to read it every night before bed.

There’s also I Need to Stop Following Your Wedding Hashtag about one of those Instagram weddings that destroys your self esteem. (I cannot be the only one here.)

And then there’s The Most Powerful Thing about Bey (According to Vogue) about body image and loving yourself and that ever evolving internal discussion I’m having with myself.

Rebbie wrote some stellar pieces.

The Truth About “Crazy Girls” featuring one of Beyoncé’s greatest videos, “Why Don’t You Love Me.” (I wish I had written this piece.  It is gold.)

We are…Sasha Fierce on internet personas.

And It’s OK to be Solange which is a must-read for the title alone.

We also answered the pressing question, Are You Two Obsessed with Beyoncé?  (No!  Yes!  Sort of?)

Check it out and let me know how you like it.

Let’s run the world!

Ahhhhh

 

How To Beyonce:

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