Two girls have seriously entered Prince Harry’s heart in the last decade, or at least two girls that the public knows of have seriously entered Prince Harry’s heart in the last decade. And while any time we speak of Harry loving anyone besides myself, it sends me into a bit of a tizzy (BREATHE, YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS, etc.), I have squared my shoulders, grabbed a handkerchief and am ready to share my oh-so important thoughts on the pressing matter at hand:
Cressida v. Chelsy
Who is the right girl for Harry?
It’s a battle for the ages, one that includes two beautiful, accomplished girls, and one that ends in the heart of the finest man I do not know. Without further ado or any more over-the-top adjectives I bring you–
Cressida v. Chelsy: The Smackdown
Coverage starts now.
Round 1: Hair
The royal family is nothing if not a bunch of women with fantastic hair. Is this an overcompensation for the male pattern baldness gene that plagues their Y chromosome? Only Freud himself would know.
(The answer is yes.)
Royal Hair Goodness:
Exhibit C: STOP THE TRAIN END THE CONVERSATION
So what about Harry’s loves? Whose hair is up to the task?
Chelsy has the royal hair thing on lock. You can just see her tresses under an absurd feathered hat as she laughs with Wills and Kate and George, all natural and glossy-like.
Cressida’s hair has more of a bohemian vibe, like, “Hey I just woke up and this is what my hair looks like, suckers.” Also, note the Lauren Conrad braids.
Round 1 Winner: Cressida, though Chelsy’s luscious locks shouldn’t be underestimated.
Round 2: Potential BFF qualities with Kate
Whomever Harry ends up with will have to be Best Friends Forever with Kate, as William and Harry are BFFs, and this is just a rule.
It appears Kate would be easy to share a giggle with, “Haha I love Dirty Dancing, too!” but the question is not of ease, the question is of kindred soul-dom.
We know that Chelsy attended the royal wedding and has years of double dating and Rock Banding with the Wills and Kate (one can only assume!) I have to give her a leg up here. ALSO look at that picture. That’s some seriously long friendshipping happening. Does Cressida have a picture with pre-perfect locks Kate? Exactly.
Cressida seems perfectly lovely, if a bit more daring than Kate, but she simply doesn’t have the history. I see Kate as the older and wiser sister here, sweetly leading Cressida with the force of her already-iconic example.
Round 2 Winner: Chelsy
Random but important side note: I know people love to talk about Harry and Pippa and their shared smiles at the wedding and how cute that little happily ever after would be, but hello to the power of blonde, Pippa is not his type.
Glad I got that off my chest.
Round 3: Royal name
Obviously the make or break point in any relationship, whose names match up best?
Princess Chelsy is very modern, like, look, we’re hip to the times, we have a royal Facebook page AND we just allowed women to inherit the throne! Boom.
Princess Cressida just has a ring to it, doesn’t it? Regal, really.
Round 3 Winner: Princess Cressida, obviously
Round 4: Love Story
I personally can’t see Harry doing anything awkward at all, in the least, ever ever ever when it comes to dating. He’s hot. He’s suave. He doesn’t give a damn what you think about him. It’s hard to imagine him less than swoon-worthy behavior in the dating world, so we’re going to assume that the details of both love stories are fairly adorable since we do not know them. Here’s what we do know:
Harry and Chelsea met in 2004 and on and offed it until 2010 when they officially split up. Chelsea is smart (a lawyer!), Zimbabwean (the daughter of a safari farmer!), and is said to have no interest in the royal lifestyle, thus the issues with the lovebirds. The tabloids love to point out that the two of them continued to hang out long after their split, and that Harry brought Chelsy as his date to the royal wedding in 2011 (aww). (Enough with the parentheses, Jill.)
Cressida and Harry were introduced in 2012 by his cousin Eugenia/aka Owner of THAT royal wedding hat. Cressida is a dancer, student, and the daughter of a former British “It girl” and businessman. Really we don’t know much more about her other than she’s bringing scrunchies back. Thanks, Cressida.
Round 4 Winner: Chelsy
Round 5: Wardrobe
Chelsy would be the type of princess who wore tailored outfits and black Middleton wedges and fit in oh-so well to royal society.
Cressida would be the type of princess who wore overalls and neon sunglasses, and bucked all royal trends, thus earning her nickname, “The anti-Kate.” First Princess with duckface selfies is all I’m saying.
Round 5 Winner: Cressida. I think we all need a little more overall wearing princesses in our lives.
Overall winner: Chelsy Davey
I know! The points don’t add up, but you can’t add up points in love. Chelsy was Harry’s first love, they’ve been on and offing it for years, and I think his torch for her is as bright as Kate and William’s wedding.
Who I think Harry will end up with? Cressida
Or another fabulous blonde.
But definitely not Pippa.
And probably me.
Images: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13