Death By Hot Water Bottle

28 Mar

Hypochondriac1

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The past few weeks I’ve been on a bit of a hot water bottle kick.  I don’t know why no one ever told me that a hot water bottle solves all of life’s problems, BUT IT DOES.   I’m addicted.  I can’t go a day, an hour without my beloved.  And by beloved, yes, I’m still talking about my hot water bottle.

Enter Hypochondriac Jill.

Hypochondriac Jill realized that her hot water bottle was so hot it sometimes left red splotches on her skin.

Hypochondriac Jill jumped to the conclusion that these red splotches meant she had caused internal damage.

Hypochondriac Jill contacted Medical School Friend for urgent advice.

Hypochondriac Jill threw herself into near-cardiac arrest when Medical School Friend did not respond immediately.

Hypochondriac Jill assumed Medical School Friend was unable to respond due to distress over her imminent death.

Hypochondriac Jill considered her options–say goodbye to loved ones, call an ambulance, wait for medical advice via text.

Hypochondriac Jill decided to wait for medical advice via text.

Hypochondriac Jill talked to her roommate about potential side effects of hot water bottle damage i.e. kidney transplant, never having children, death.

Hypochondriac Jill resisted Google, because Google is the death of Hypochondriac Jill.

Hypochondriac Jill heard back from Medical School Friend.  He was less interested than seemed appropriate, given the situation.

Hypochondriac Jill noticed red splotches going away.

Hypochondriac Jill determined that perhaps she was not dying.

Hypochondriac Jill exited.

How has your week been?

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4 Responses to “Death By Hot Water Bottle”

  1. Jennifer Lapin March 31, 2013 at 3:29 pm #

    Actually…we learned a couple of weeks ago in our Dermatology unit that excessive heat on your skin from things like really hot laptops and hot water bottles does increase your chance of skin cancer. You love me.

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